I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
