dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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