There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i will never coherently bang her
meet me or not, i'm out of control
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
