apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
