I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
