How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
