I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
