My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
