i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
