I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
