I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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