The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
