If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
