Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
