I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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