You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
