I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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