he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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