I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
