I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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