Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
