I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
