The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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