I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
