I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
