Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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