4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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