My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
