question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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