he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
