1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
