i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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