Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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