new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
