Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
