No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
