I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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