I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
