do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
