I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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