Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
