Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
