he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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