We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Randomize
