Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
