I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
