Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
