So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Are we still banned from the library?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
