sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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