shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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