You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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