I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
