Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
